


Confessions

by SamanthaAuburn



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Egobang - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, romantic, rylex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 03:25:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaAuburn/pseuds/SamanthaAuburn
Summary: Lorenzo comes to Alex after eSports People’s first stream and points out something that should have been obvious for quite some time. And Ryland isn’t sure how to cope.Good Game. Rylex. Fluff.





	Confessions

“So. . . you are aware that you love Ryland, aren’t you?” 

Lorenzo’s question was simple enough. They had just finished their first stream, a total success in Alex’s mind, despite the rough patches and Steamin’ trying to incriminate them. The rest of the team had less kind words to say about it, but Alex was satisfied nonetheless. The group had allowed themselves to be a little more out there and crazy than normal.

Ryland had several giddy moments, an unusual side of him poking out. Alex had been right when he suggested the sand castle. Most people would have called it kiddie, but it was one of the few things that filled Ryland with unbridled joy. Alex needed that for this stream. And for Ryland.

A shame Ryland had already turned it on its head, but oh well. Next time.

Alex grinned at Lorenzo. “Of course I do. I love all you guys!” 

Lorenzo lowered his gaze and raised one eyebrow. “That’s not what I mean.” 

Alex frowned. “Then what do you mean?” 

“I mean,” Lorenzo said, quiet but pointed. “That you love him.” 

Alex perked one eyebrow. What was Lorenzo trying to say? He wasn’t suggesting that. . . 

Oh. . . oh god. 

“Nooo, no, no,” Alex said, holding up his hands. “You’ve got that all wrong, Lorenzo. I don’t love him like that. Not Ryland.” 

Lorenzo eyed him. “You have never been more wrong, my friend.” 

“You’re just reading too much into it,” Alex said. He chanced a glance at Ryland out of the corner of his eye. The younger man was helping Sam get Lorenzo’s matador picture back on the wall. Alex pressed his lips together. Thank god Ryland didn’t hear Lorenzo’s accusation. “I don’t. . . I don’t have feelings for him.” 

Lorenzo shrugged. “S’not what I’m seeing, but hey, what would I know?”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “So what are you seeing then?” 

Lorenzo offered Alex a small smile. “Think about it.” 

So Alex let his mind wander back to when he first started this esports idea.

Draping his arm over Ryland.

The feeling of shock and sympathy when Steamin’ played the video from Ryland’s childhood.

The odd warmth that had spread through him when Ryland and wrapped his arm around him after he hurt his hand. 

His words to Ryland. “You’re a beautiful human being.” 

Even today, just thinking about how happy he had made Ryland with the sandcastle idea. . . 

Shit. . . shit. 

“Shit,” he said aloud. 

“Told you,” Lorenzo said.

\-----

“But what do I do?” Alex begged of his friends.

They were gathered in the apartment for their next practice. Lorenzo asked Ryland to pick up some pizzas for that night, and with Ryland gone, Alex couldn’t keep his feelings in. He sat in Ryland’s chair, drew his knees up to his face, and confessed to the whole group, desperate for some insight on his next course of action. 

Kamal rolled his eyes. “Are you freakin’ kidding me? Why do you guys gotta bring in so much drama? And you get on me for this shit.” 

Sam glared at him. “This is not the same thing at all, Onions.” 

Alex buried his face in his knees.

Ash kneeled beside him and rubbed his back. “Why don’t you just tell him?”

“But what if he freaks out?” Alex said. “What if he doesn’t like me that way? What if he. . . what if he makes me leave?” 

Ash frowned. “Do you really think he’s going to do that? He’s your best friend!” 

Alex shot her a glare. “How would you react if your best friend confessed that they were in love with you?” 

Ash smirked. “Do you really want to know the answer to that?” 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “I came to you guys for help. . .”

Ash laughed. “Sorry, sorry. But seriously, Alex, just tell him. I promise he won’t freak out. And breathe, okay? You’re going to hyperventilate.”

Alex took a deep breath and released his knees. “You’re right. I should say something. It’ll just get worse if I don’t.”

Ash patted Alex’s back. “That’s the spirit.” 

Alex closed his eyes. “I can do this. When he comes back, I’ll just--”

Then the door squeaked open. The smell of pizza followed it.

Alex’s eyes flew open and he leapt to his feet. “--Get donuts! We need donuts! I’ll be right back.” He flew past Ash and ran for the door, avoiding Ryland’s eyes. 

“Dude, we just got pizza!” Kamal called after him.

“Need more carbs!” Alex called back. “Good brain food!” He disappeared out the door.

Ryland watched him run off, an eyebrow raised. “What the fuck was that?” 

Ash took the pizzas from Ryland and dropped them on the counter. “It’s nothing. He just--”

“He’s freaking out because Lorenzo pointed out that he’s in love with you and he doesn’t want to tell you,” Kamal said. 

Ryland froze in place. 

Sam’s jaw dropped. “Kamal!” 

“What?” Kamal said, dropping into his chair. “We need to get this stupid drama over with so we can get back to practice. Blood Match is in like, a month.” 

But Sam and Ash just stared at Ryland. 

Ryland stood still, trying to process Kamal’s comment. Alex? In love with him? With him? The most unlovable person on the planet? What the fuck was he talking about? 

“Ryland?” Ash’s voice.

Could he move? He could move. Ryland shook his head, forcing his brain back to reality. Alex wasn’t in love with him. He couldn’t be.

Right? 

He moved into the kitchen and started piling pizza on a plate without saying anything. 

Ash exchanged a glance with Sam. She turned to Ryland. “Hey. You okay?” 

“Sure,” Ryland said, dropping his pizza in front of the computer and pulling his headphones on. “Get some food so we can start playing.” 

Lorenzo blinked at him from his side of the room. “You’re. . . you’re not. . .” 

“Get your food,” Ryland said, a bit too firm. “And let’s play.” 

The group stood still a moment before following Ryland’s instructions in silence. Ryland took a deliberate bite of pizza and focused on the monitor. He watched the rest of his team login to the game out of the corner of his eye, the subject dropped. He hid his sigh of relief.

Alex loved him. God. Was that really true? God. His hands shook at the thought, and he took another bite of pizza trying to distract himself. 

Did. . . did he reciprocate? 

He shook himself. No. He was not going down that road. This was not the time to think about it. He needed distance. Time to himself to go over his feelings. Time to figure out why the hell anyone would considering loving him. Time away from the team. 

And Alex. 

Now was not the time. He focused on the game. 

But it was impossible to focus. 

Normally the team was nothing but banter and talk during matches, but today everyone played in total silence. They finished a team fight without a single word, only exchanging occasional glances with one another. They avoided Ryland’s gaze, though he caught Ash staring at him more than once.

Ryland sighed and pulled his headphones off. “I didn’t say you guys couldn’t talk. We should be practicing coordination.” 

The others exchanged glances again. Ash bit her lip. 

Ryland narrowed his eyes at her. “I know what you want from me. You want me to declare my undying love for Alex.” 

Kamal made a face. “Gross.” Sam sneered at him.

Ash lowered her gaze. “Ryland.” 

“What happens between Alex and me is our own business, not yours,” Ryland said. “So for now, just drop it and play the goddamn game. Okay?” 

“But. . .” Ash said slowly. “Do. . . do you--”

“No,” Ryland spat, leaping to his feet, desperate to get everyone to get off his back. He didn’t care what he told them. He didn’t care that he wasn’t sure yet where his feelings stood, or why the fuck Alex would ever decide he loved him. He just wanted them to shut up.

If he told them he didn’t love Alex, they’d leave him alone. He needed them to let this go so he could put the issue aside. “I’m sorry Alex has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same way.” 

Ash’s face fell. “But--”

“But nothing!” Ryland shouted, slamming a hand on the desk. Everyone jumped. “I can’t change my feelings. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I don’t love Alex.” 

A box crashed to the floor behind him.

Ryland stood straight up, a massive shock rushing through his spine. He whipped around.

Alex stood in the door, the box of donuts at his feet. For a brief, horrible, terrifying moment, his face was just. . . shattered. Ryland’s heart caught in his throat. 

No. No, no, no, NO, this was not supposed to happen this way! 

The moment Alex met Ryland’s gaze, he built up a determinedly neutral mask. 

“Sorry,” Alex said, a minor squeak in his voice. He picked up the pink box on the ground. “Dropped the donuts.” He entered the living room and moved to pass the donuts to Ryland, but momentarily froze and passed the box to Kamal instead. 

Ryland reached for him. “Alex--”

Alex sidestepped and avoided the touch, but didn’t meet Ryland’s eyes. “Run some drills,” he said, his voice almost robotic for the neutrality. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back in an hour.” He spun around and headed back for the door. 

Ryland turned toward him. “Alex, wait--”

“Don’t follow me.” Alex slammed the door shut as he left. 

Ryland collapsed into his seat, shaking. What the hell. No. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. He gripped the sides of his head. What the hell!

“Aren’t you going to go after him?” Sam asked, breaking into Ryland’s mind. 

Ryland replayed the scene in his head. Alex looked so broken. He should go after him. He should explain what the team had been pestering him about. He should tell Alex the truth – that he didn’t know his feelings yet. He was just trying to get everyone off his back.

But he couldn’t. Alex told him not to follow. He should, but. . . He shook his head. “Practice is over. Go home.” He stood. 

“You aren’t going to go after him?” Ash asked.

“Go home.” Ryland spat. He entered his bedroom, slammed the door, then rested his back against the doorframe. Carefully twisting the lock, he listened for his teammates movements. He counted footsteps. One. . . two. . . three. . . four. . . A moment later the front door shut and everything fell silent. 

God. How the fuck did this go to shit so quickly? He stumbled over to the bed and fell face first in the unmade sheets, his heart aching. He fought the first sob, and managed to whisper I’m sorry, Alex before the second sob won and he fully gave into it, his body shaking.

\-----

It was well past midnight before the front door opened again. 

Ryland was conscious immediately. He jumped to his feet and ran to the door, but paused, hovering his hand over the knob.

Would Alex even want to see him? Did he even have the right to approach his friend? What if. . . what if Alex hated him now?

God, how did this go so wrong? 

He pressed his ear to the door. 

The refrigerator opened and the sound of clinking bottles echoed down the hall. A few footsteps. The sound of a computer booting up. 

Sniffles. 

Shit. 

He had to do something. Ryland clicked open the lock and slowly pushed the door free. 

Alex was click-clacking away at the computer in his lap as he lay across the couch, his back to Ryland. He didn’t move when Ryland stepped out into the hall. 

Ryland stepped into the living room and leaned against the banister. “Hey. Can we talk?” 

“What’s there to talk about?” Alex said, his voice unusually thick. 

Ryland winced. “You know what.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex continued. Ryland felt pressure behind his eyes, listening to Alex being so short with him. “All I see is that I have feelings for someone and they. . . they don’t reciprocate. It’s. . . it’s just something I have to live with. End of discussion.” 

“There’s more to it than that, Alex,” Ryland said, his voice catching in his throat. 

“That so?” Alex said. He stopped clacking away at the computer and slowly curled up his legs, trying to make himself small. “That’s not what I heard. I heard someone exclaiming, in a loud voice, in front of all their friends, that they didn’t love. . . love me.” 

God, Ryland still didn’t know his feelings for Alex. But listening to Alex’s voice grow thicker, watching him curl up, talking in those short, stubby sentences, hearing his friend’s voice drop two octaves as he forced words out. . . it threatened to burst his heart right out of his chest. 

“I. . . that’s not. . . I said that to get everyone off my back,” Ryland blurted. “I don’t know what my feelings are yet and--”

“Bullshit.”

Ryland jumped.

“You’re just saying that to try and make me feel better,” Alex said. “You don’t have to lie.” 

Ryland took a step forward. “Alex, please--”

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Alex continued. “I’m used to it. Happens all the time. No one loves weird, goofy Alex. My band mates all hated me in the end. My parents don’t return my phone calls. Hell, the only reason the team puts up with me is because they practice in our apartment anyway--”

“Alex.” 

Alex tossed the computer aside and leapt up. “What?” 

Looking at Alex’s face just broke Ryland. Eyes red, lashes matted, his hair a mess of crumpled curls, and deep tear-stain rivers running down his cheeks. The anger on his face didn’t match the damage hours of crying had done to it. 

Alex must have noticed Ryland’s stunned look, because he harshly wiped his cheeks clean and turned away. 

Ryland expected more yelling, but instead Alex just. . . dissolved. He dropped onto the couch, drew his knees up to his face, and sobbed, his body trembling uncontrollably. 

Ryland couldn’t stand it any longer. He dashed for the couch and his friend. 

Alex waved an arm at him. “D-don’t touch me. . .”

“Like hell I’m not,” Ryland said and wrapped Alex in a tight sideways hug, burying his forehead in Alex’s hair. He gripped the other man, desperate to stop the sobbing, the shaking. 

Alex tried to pull away. “S-stop. . .”

“No,” Ryland said, gripping him tighter. “Please, Alex. . . you need to listen to me.” 

“W-what’s there t-to listen to?” 

“My side,” Ryland said. “Alex, I. . . I do love you.” Alex shook a little in his arms. “I just. . . I don’t know if it’s straight platonic or. . . or more than that yet. Honestly, sitting here, this close to you. . . I. . . I’m thinking that. . . maybe it’s more.” 

Alex lifted his head and met Ryland’s eyes. 

God, that broken face. Ryland cupped Alex’s jaw in his hand and wiped away the fresh tears with his thumb. “But I don’t know yet. Not completely. I just. . . I need you to be patient with me. Can you understand that? This whole thing. . . it’s so new to me I don’t. . . I don’t know how to react yet.” 

Alex still looked defeated, but he nodded slowly.

Ryland still felt the cracks between them. “God, Alex, I never wanted to hurt you. If the fucking team had just left the damn thing alone. . .” He shuddered and buried his face in Alex’s shoulder. “No. I shouldn’t blame them. That was all on me. I fucked up and I’m sorry. . .” 

“Ryland.” 

Ryland lifted his head and met Alex’s eyes. 

Alex tentatively reached for Ryland’s chin, his hand still shaking. Ryland wanted to pull away. He wanted to say he wasn’t ready for any of this touchy-feely stuff yet, and he didn’t know if he ever would be. 

But god, he wanted Alex to stop shaking. He eclipsed Alex’s hand with his own and rested them on his chin. Alex absentmindedly stroked Ryland’s beard. Ryland traced little circles on Alex’s hand with his thumb. 

God. Maybe he was in love. With his best friend. He thought he had given up on love ages ago. And here he was. Falling for the only person who managed to inch their way around the walls in his heart. 

Who could love an unloveable asshole? Only Alex. 

Damn. 

If only he would stop shaking. 

Alex leaned forward, his expression uncertain. “Can. . . can I. . . I-I mean. . .” 

Ryland answered by closing the distance between them. 

His face flushed and his heartbeat quickened the moment their lips touched. God, it had been so long since he had kissed someone that he almost forgot what to do. He turned the introspective part of his brain off and gave into the kiss, letting muscle memory do the work. 

Damn, Alex’s lips were so soft. . . 

Alex responded instantly, leaning into the kiss, caressing Ryland’s mouth with his own, still stroking his beard. He let out a soft, happy moan.

And he finally stopped shaking.

Slowly, too soon, Ryland released the kiss and looked into Alex’s eyes. Alex looked back, expectant. 

Ryland reached up and ran his fingers through Alex’s hair, catching little tangles. 

God. 

Alex leaned forward again, almost pleading. “Maybe. . . one more?” 

Ryland took a deep breath and blinked slowly. Only this man would love someone like him. The feelings of their first kiss filtered through his body, drawing a smile to his lips. This was right. 

“Always.” And he let Alex initiate this one. 

\-----

“What the fuck are you doing here, Kamal?” Sam asked, fuming. Sam, Ash, and Lorenzo had all planned to meet at Alex and Ryland’s apartment the next day to apologize for harassing them. They stood outside it now, debating how to approach the situation, when Kamal showed up out of nowhere. 

Sam was not happy.

But Kamal lowered his head, a little sheepish. “I just want to apologize to them. I fucked up.” He held a pink box in his hand. “See? Peace offering.” 

“Dude, those are the donuts from yesterday,” Ash said. 

“How would you know that?” 

“Because the box is squashed on one side where Alex dropped it and half the donuts are missing,” Sam said. 

Kamal rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, it’s a shitty peace offering, but I work with what I’ve got, okay? God. Let’s just get this over with and get back to practice.” 

Ash jiggled the handle. “Door’s locked.” 

“I’ve got it,” Lorenzo said, pulling out a key. Seconds later, he had the door open.

All of them froze in the doorway. 

Laying on the sofa bed, carelessly wrapped in sheets and lightly snoring, were Alex and Ryland. Ryland was on his back, mouth open, loose hair spilling all over a lumpy pillow. Alex slept at Ryland’s side, an arm draped across the other man’s torso, his head buried in Ryland’s shoulder. Ryland had an arm wrapped around Alex’s waist. 

The group exchanged glances, before Ash quietly stole the pink box from Kamal. She placed it on the table. “We’ll. . . just leave this here,” she whispered. 

“At least they weren’t naked,” Kamal said before turning around and leaving. 

Lorenzo held his hands up to his face and grinned, making a mild squee sound. 

Sam rolled her eyes. “Well. All’s well that ends well, I guess.” She turned around and led Lorenzo and Ash out of the apartment. “Let’s let them get their beauty sleep. Heaven knows they need it.” They left, locking the door behind them. 

The moment the door shut, Ryland opened his eyes and closed his mouth. A quick glance at the door told him they really were gone. He caught a glimpse of the pink box.

Woo. Donuts. Probably the same ones from yesterday. 

Then he turned his attention to Alex. He took a deep breath and softly stroked the older man’s hair. 

He was in love with his best friend. He could admit that now. He shut his eyes. That was okay. Better than okay.

And more to the point, Alex loved him.

He loved him. Someone actually loved him. Someone as amazing and beautiful and soft and crazy as Alex. 

Alex stirred in Ryland’s arms, tightening his grip on Ryland’s torso and wrinkling his shirt. He buried his face in Ryland’s neck, lips casually caressing the soft skin, before he let out of a quiet sigh. 

“I love you, Ryland,” he mumbled in his sleep. Then he settled back into Ryland’s arms and the snoring started up again.

Ryland watched him sleep. Alex really loved him. What a thought. He lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss to Alex’s forehead before resettling himself for a few more hours sleep.

“I love you too, Alex.”


End file.
